I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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