He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
