I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
