He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
