Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
