My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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