You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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