how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
