i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
