She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
