Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I think i got beer on your cat.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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