Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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