Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
