From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
