yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
