I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
