I am puke
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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