Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
