We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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