well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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