are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize