We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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