honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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