Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
