So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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