I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize