I wish I could punch you in the face.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
