i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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