Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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