those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
