if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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