Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
