Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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