He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
