It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
