Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
