When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
