ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
ttyl tear gas
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Randomize
