"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
