Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
