i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
