I heard we made out
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
