you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
