I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he was CRYING into my vagina
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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