That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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