I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
