yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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