before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
