I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
