you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
