so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
