I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize