went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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