i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize