I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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