she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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