Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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