As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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