Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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