And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
