My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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