so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
