I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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