Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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