come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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