If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
