As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I party with great urgency now.
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