pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
