As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
it glows. i had to have it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
