I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
