Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
