Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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