my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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