Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
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