i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
