i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
