I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize