I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Ladies don't puke and tell
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize