just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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