Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
