Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
