Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
