So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
