Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
