the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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