I'm going to jail i love you
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
